I suffer from one of the most ridiculous diseases of the 21st century, it's origins deeply rooted in the 1980's, and I am one of an entire generation who does so. It's not necessarily of a physical nature, but mentally we're all going DOWN. I have yet to name it, but the symptoms include such beauties as 'what-if'-ness (i.e., never pinning oneself down to any one idea, because WHAT IF), 'the grass is always greener' (closely related to what-iffing, with crazy ideas of a better life making it impossible to enjoy the one you are living), ambition (or lack thereof, and the guilt that follows), and incompetence to make choices (meaning you are perpetually stuck what-iffing, thinking about where the grass is greener and becoming heavy with guilt and mourning your lost ambition). And then, you realize that all you are doing is complaining like a spoiled brat, and so the guilt becomes unbearable... HOWEVER. All is not lost. I have to say, turning 30 has it's perks: my brain told me to stop being such a TOOL and get yourself MOVING already. Nothing's going to happen unless you get up and do it yourself, my friend. And so I followed my wise brain's advice, and in between the fleeting dreams of becoming a circus acrobat or a farmer, I have come to realize that although not everything is possible, I have a lot to offer. It is merely a case of finding a way to channel all these things I can do, and learn that not everything has to be done at once. See, I WANT to be one of those people who does what they are good at and is able to live off of it. I just need to choose what it is. Also, choosing one thing does NOT mean that I have to write off everything else (this is my signature advice to those suffering from the same, yet I manage to forget it when my own crunch time arrives). What is comes down to, is growing some freaking balls already.
So! New me. Con cojones.
- ► 2011 (25)